Walls or Windows?

I received feedback over the holidays that I am self-righteous.

It wasn't the first time I’d heard this from this person. And while I’ve worked on it and grown, the fact that it’s still showing up means I have more to learn. For the past month, I’ve been leaning into curiosity around that term.

What does it actually mean to be self-righteous?

According to my friend Gemini, it’s the belief that our own opinions and actions are superior to those of others. It was that "superior to others" part that hit home.

I’m not a debater. I rarely get into verbal arguments. So, I realized I wasn’t expressing this "superiority" through my words—I was expressing it through my energy.

As I investigated my experience, I noticed that the moment I feel triggered by a differing opinion, I build an energetic wall. Behind that wall, my thoughts become a judge and jury:

• "I cannot believe they think that."

• "Their thinking is so limited."

• "I should tell them they’re wrong."

When the wall goes up, I miss everything.

I disconnect from my curiosity and, ultimately, from the person in front of me. This was a huge revelation because my deepest belief is that the world improves when we lean into curiosity. Curiosity is the key to connection.

So, I’ve been practicing a new way of being in that "trigger" moment. It’s a quiet, internal shift. It looks like softening my heart space, focusing on my breath, and asking myself a different set of questions:

• I wonder why this belief is so important to them?

• I wonder what they are afraid of?

• What would need to change for them to feel safe and loved?

I don't always say these words aloud. But practicing them—even in hindsight—takes the wall down.

I am still angry about many things happening in the world today. I am still figuring out how to be angry and curious at the same time. The closest I’ve come to balancing them is practicing what Gandhi put so eloquently: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

So every day, I practice: I breathe. I connect with my heart. I use my voice for kindness. I envision a connected future. And I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.